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19 December 2012 @ 01:37 pm
Hey Y'all,

so much for my plan to return to LJ and end my hiatus in October...

I am just dropping by to wish you all a very happy Christmas and a blessed new year in which you may find what you truly need. Which is not always what we seek...

I still don't know what to do with my LJ account- I still watch and love SPN, and I think S 8 is doing great so far, but I'm keeping things to myself these days, more like I did before I knew you all. I don't know why. On the one hand I miss the contact with you, on the other I still don't have the energy to invest myself again, because for me, it's all or nothing. Plus, my main fandom these days is one most of you won't know- Tanz der Vampire, a German musical I love to pieces. But even that I don't feel like sharing with people online. So I won't say that I am finished with LJ, but I extend my hiatus. Though I am open to helpful suggestions as how to deal... ;-)

Have a wonderful time, and all the best to you!

And have this wallpaper which I don't think I posted before... Dean over the course of the years- S1 and S7. Which doesn't make a big difference as Jensen just doesn't age that much. He is... awesome.


And this is from Tanz der Vampire (the musical, not the movie) so you have an impression of my favorite singer, Thomas Borchert as Graf von Krolock- the photo was NOT taken by me:

IMG_1339 (2)
Current Location: my island in the sun
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: MUSE!!!! Have been to their concert on Saturday. I f***ing LOVE THEM!!!!
03 June 2012 @ 05:10 pm
I'm having sort of a hard time at the moment and no time to sort things out. So I deal as I always do- I withdraw. (There was a time when I resorted to writing poems, but these days I rather create wallpapers, it seems.) And this time, I needed both Peter and Dean around me, and I still think they would make a wonderful couple. If Peter read Dean's mind, if he looked into Dean's soul with all his abilities and therefore truly knew who Dean was- wouldn't that be something that might save Dean? Save him from himself, from his permanent self-destruction? And Dean in return could be the big brother Peter needs. Not that Dean could ever replace Nathan, but... he could be there with his passion and his moral and his own twisted strength. I believe they could hold each other. REALLY hold. Be each other's home. They needn't be scared of each other's past and passions.

I would want that if I were either of them.

Your thoughts on that?

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Burden of sacrifice - Full Blown Rose
03 May 2012 @ 11:46 pm
I am happy. One more year of madness, suicidal tendencies and incestous relationships. That shouldn't make me as happy as it does, I believe. And did I mention I am happy?!

DEAN. One more year of Dean. And Sam. And others. *gg*

I will go to sleep now. Probably. Or not.
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
15 March 2012 @ 06:35 pm
So I´m on vacation again and was told to "create something so you don't feel dissatisfied". Right! The weather isn't great today, but the sea still is absolutely awesome.

I have been thinking a lot about Dean being broken and dead inside, and I thank all of you who were open for a discussion on that subject! It helped me a lot to see Dean's mental state clearer. And all that was left to do for me was to put Famine's words to Dean into a picture, so here it is. I chose pictures of Dean being in pain- his body hurts because he was thoroughly beat up by Sam, but that makes his soul hurt even more! So it's a combination of the body-and-soul-pain. It's all-encompassing. I`m sorry if it depresses you, but... that's how I feel about Dean. And though I still believe he is broken, I have come to see that he hasn't given up, he isn't dead. He can only take each day as it comes, but he is still here. And I need him to keep going. So effing much.

Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: Losing your memory - Ryan Star
27 January 2012 @ 10:57 pm
I can't forget Dean's fake smile. It still upsets me, scares me, hurts me. This advice came from strangers (Eliot Ness and Frank Deveraux) who couldn't even begin to know the pain and tragedy of Dean's life. It still feels so wrong. So I probably needed to process it by making just another wallpaper.

I am planning on something like "The Map of Tragedies: A guide through Dean Winchester's life". I am so not kidding. Should be interesting to see.

Hello SOPA/ACTA, is this a copyright infringement in your eyes? Will you take down LJ for things like this? America, the land of the free- yeah. Right. *snorts*

Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Full circle- Loreena McKennitt. Weil es heute geschneit hat.
23 January 2012 @ 09:51 am
The US has SOPA and PIPA pending- but totally unnoticed (at least I didn't know a thing about it) Europe has something worse coming up, called ACTA (a number of non-European countries already signed it, but Europe is still deciding on it). I urge all of you to inform yourself about this act that might force your internet providers to deliver your data if you are suspected of illegal internet actions and will be a threat to social networks and platforms like Youtube, twitter and Livejournal. And as far as I understood it, ACTA will make Livejournal impossible to maintain. For German speakers here is a link:

From Wikipdia.org in English:

PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION, it's for all countries!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

I am so, so afraid of losing my online friendships. We are about to see our world change in a way we probably cannot even imagine now. And let me add that I come from a country that invented the STASI, an organisation that spied upon people and denounced them to the government. When that became known much later, the world cried (and did rightly so) shame about us. Seems the world hasn't learned its lessons from us and gladly follows in Nazi Germany's and China's footsteps (or so it feels). I respect intellectual property and understand the difficulties online piracy brings, but I do hope for a better solution than... that. We are a great community on here who share a creativity that I would hate to see murdered by the government.
Current Mood: bitter
Current Music: I don't know if I am still free to post my taste in music?!
13 January 2012 @ 07:03 pm
Yesterday I had a wonderful chat with meredithleon about Peter and Petrellicest and Deter (which is, of course, Dean/Peter). I had so much fun- especially as she is such a nice person and I was actually at work and couldn't help wondering what my colleagues would have thought about me discussing Peter being a bottom. But hey, I got my work done anyway. And promised meredithleon to upload the manips I did with Nathan and Peter (and one with Peter and... Peter, because he is just so beautiful). Here you go.

Note to my fellow SPN-fans: I am still not able to deal with Dean's smile.

Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: No more the fool- Elkie Brooks
09 January 2012 @ 04:02 pm
I do not want to talk about 7x11. I am at a point where I need a better functioning coping mechanism myself.

I wanted a new desktop background with space for some icons- this is the result. And it's a special one as I avoided pentagrams before... well, here we go. Go figure.

On another note, does anyone watch Dexter? I have been watching for the last few years and totally adored him, but now... erm... I might begin to fall for him. Just a little bit. And... did they really have to bring up incest in the latest season (Dexter and Debra)?! This was just what I needed... (it WAS. I can't help it anymore. You know that something's wrong when you use a show about a cold blooded serial killer to help you cope with another show about brotherly love and loss. Oh, yes, and monsters and demons, but who cares.)

Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Dexter- Soundtrack
02 January 2012 @ 11:48 am
game_byrd wrote a story for me!!! It's Nathan/Peter, it's so beautiful and it's here.

Run by Snow Patrol has always been my song for Peter. Now I even have a story to link it to. *is happy*

And even though Heroes is no longer, Peter is still out there. And in our hearts. Happy new year.
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
26 December 2011 @ 06:59 pm
I still love and miss Peter, and since some people on my f-list do, too, I made this calendar. It´s mostly Peter, but since he can't be without Nathan, he also shows up.

All fanart is made by me, except the manip in December- that one I used with kind permission of jemmalynette.

You can download the calendar in High Quality right here.
If you do so, could you just drop me a comment? I just would like to know if there are still some of us out there who share the same passion...

Here are low quality previews (the fonts are readable in the HQ version!):

Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: Let it snow, I guess...